*sigh* where to begin... i guess ill describe the day

i woke up at 4 in the morning on tuesday to call bre cuz i couldnt stand to not talk to her before that happened. i maybe got 2 hours of sleep before all this so =/. when i got to school, got to the library n saw everyone... signed in... i felt okay at first. then when everyone got to class they called me n leazette over for make up. thats when i was startin to get all jittery. the first heartbeat i heard was crazy... i couldnt stand to hear it every time it went off.

but when it was time, ms. ashby actually lost track of time n when the students were already coming out to the scene, we werent even in the cars! so we had to run around the side of the school n the kids were held back so we could get in there.

leazette was in my car n isaiah and armando were in the white car. i was shakin so bad when i got in the car. the steering wheel was all crooked n glass was all over the seats. they actually told us those cars were used in real accidents n when i looked back

there was actually dry blood in the car. thats when i started feeling horrible. the cop was a dick head to me when he was standing by my window >.< but geezes... when i heard the crash n they pulled the tarp off, my mood completely changed. i barely saw what

was around me cuz i had to act slightly conscious. armando kept on shakin me n then i heard the sireans. everything just went so fast for me. the jaws of life scared me too... but in the ambulance, they cut my clothes off n i had a sports bra n joggin shorts on...

the guy was stickin a tube "down my throat" but it was only by my cheek. n they "put IV's" in both of my arms. of course they didnt really tho. n before i knew it i was at the hospital. i heard all the voices around me but i honestly couldnt understand. i already had

so much in my mind. isaiah was put next to me n they went crazy on him. they practically ripped my hair tryin to take stuff off >.< then i got to talk for a bit cuz they were gona bring my mom in. that was without a doubt one of the hardest things to see...

when my mom walked in, i heard her crying n she touched my shoulder... whispered i love u to me then walked away... i lost it after that. those who know my mom know it takes ALOT to make her cry... it was hard having to see that... then when i saw the video, they

actually talked to her about donating my organs n funeral arrangements. geezes i dont even know how to describe that feeling when i saw all the footage of that. but what really hit me... was that they actually brought a crash victim next to me n they had to move isaiah.

he was a 14 year old boy that got hit by a car... he wasnt bleeding so bad but he had cuts everywhere n he was shaking. god damn that freaked me out so bad... but kristy (works at the hospital) walked isaiah n i up to the showers n we got everything off...

i broke down in the shower... looking at myself in the mirror... all the blood everywhere.. a "piece of my skin" was practically dangling. peeling that off really felt like it was apart of my skin. watching all the blood come off was just heart wrenching. it took forever...

when we were done we waited to get picked up n leazette was already there... she was taken to the coroners office n they did everything to her... cut off her clothes, did measurements, even zipped up her body in the bag... rolled her to all the other dead bodies in the freezer n closed the door.

we went back to the school n they had to rushed us to the library...right when i got inside i just collapsed... jen was hugging me n i was uncontrollable. *sigh* i couldnt eat... pizza was shit anyway when we got there... i couldnt stop shakin... it all just hit me so damn hard...

then when they announced my obituary over the intercom at school... i lost it again...

but when school was out, they took us to the morgue... got a tour of the whole process that they go through... went in the freezer n actually saw dead bodies. not in the open of course. it was crazy cuz there were 2 bodies there n the toe tag they had said they died THAT DAY (may 12th, 09)

that really hit me hard too... it made me think of everyone i lost... marvin... jimmy... jessica... josh... n so much more. n i thought that if i actually did die, my body could of ended up in that place. i would NOT want my mom to go thro that... to have her identify my body... to have her arrange my funeral...

*sigh* they even had a sperate freezer that was even colder for all the paster decomposing bodies... n they had another room for infectious diseased bodies. n they had one side of the regular freezer where they had body parts n bones in a bag... all the blood was still in the bags...

then we went to the red lion hotel next to arden.. i had a room with 4 other chicks... so 5 chicks.. in one small ass room... with small ass beds... lol. but basically for that whole night we did some games to try n get comfortable with each other... had spaghetti for dinner. then we had a guest speaker that

told us his story when he chose to drink n drive n all that. his story was pretty intense too... then we had to write our letters to our parents. i wrote one to my mom. i really wish i could of read it at the assembly too. i guarantee i would of got TONS of people cryin. mario said he probably would of cried =/

then we had the candle light activity where we passed it around to everyone n they shared their experiences. we didnt end everything til midnight... we got back to our rooms n we all watched forgetting sarah marshall lol. i didnt fall asleep til 1 ish.

the next morning we got up at 6:45 a.m. we didnt leave til like 8 somethin so they rushed us to get ready n we were waitin for like an hour -.- but we got to the school, had mcdonalds lol, we saw the crash... omg... words cant even describe those feelings.. seeing it all again n re living it. *sigh*

then the assembly happened... the guest speaker dee was really good. she certainly got tears in my eyes. all the parent/student letters got me cryin... geezes.

when it was all over, it was nice to actually hug my mom... god i missed her. i couldnt even imagine what she was going thro when i wasnt there that night or in the morning. seeing all my friends made me happy... i was DYING without my cell phone cuz i wanted SO BAD!! to call my woman. it relaxed me hearin her voice :]

but to the idiots that liked to laugh at it all... call it annoying... didnt take it seriously... or anything like that. FUCK... YOU... THERE THE ONES THAT R GONA BE IN MY POSITION OR LEAZETTES OR ISAIAHS OR ARMANDOS... THEN THEY'LL C HOW IT IS... ID LIKE TO C THEM LAUGH AFTER THAT... ITS NOT FUN N GAMES GOIN

THROUGH THAT SHIT.. ITS NOT FUNNY WHEN YOU HAVE TO LAY LIFELESS IN A CAR IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE SCHOOL WITH BLOOD N GUTS IN UR LAP N NOT KNOWIN WHATS GOING ON AROUND U... ITS NOT FUNNY WHEN THE PARAMEDICS RUSH U TO THE HOSPITAL KNOWIN UR GONA DIE... ITS NOT FUNNY WHEN

U HAVE TO LAY THERE N FEEL THE HAND OF UR OWN MOTHER TOUCH U... HEARING UR OWN MOTHER CRY N WHISPER IN UR EAR THAT THEY LOVE YOU N U CANT SAY ANYTHING BACK... ITS NOT FUCKING FUNNY WHEN PEOPLE HAVE TO TALK TO UR MOM ABOUT DONATING UR OWN ORGANS N FUNERAL COSTS N CHOOSING A CASKET...

its real shit... all this might of been fake... but to some people it couldnt be any more real in their minds... that shit happens EVERY.. DAY... not only does drinking affect you but DRUGS also affect you if u choose to drive.

dont fucking drink n drive k? i dont wana hear anyone going thro what i did... i dont want ANYONE to feel all the feelings i have right now... i dont want anyone of my friends parents to have to plan a funeral for any one of u guys.

well that was my experience.. if you have any questions, feel free to ask. im willing to answer any... just not anything stupid. no im not really dead...yes they took me to the hospital...no i wont drink n drive... k?

i'd like to hear ur comments n opinions... please leave a comment... rather it be about our friendship n what u had to see... i wanna know what happen that day lol. if any of u guys were talkin about it... what u guys were feelin... i wanna know. dont hesitate

its nice to say that its awesome to be alive... to finally talk to my fiancee... to talk to all my friends... and to eat good food... i missed you guys... u have no idea

always
bill<333333